Fresh Fruit of Contemplation

“Firing clay transforms it from its humble, soft beginnings into a new substance, ceramic. Ceramics are tough, strong, and very similar in some ways to stone. Pieces of pottery have survived for thousands of years, all due to clay that met fire.”

Let warfare ripen your worship.

“Oh rooster crow again that truth might be revealed. For my heart is steadily running away as I try and make it healed. Oh rooster, help me see the truth that sets my spirit free, yesterday’s grace is gone and now I wait here in desperate need.”        A Reflection of Peter’s Denial  

Today I sit and meditate on the cross. Many different perspectives and many different teachings tell me of what this cross of self defiance means but none seem to satisfy the depths of my soul. I have found that only in the presence and council of God Almighty can I comprehend and begin to understand the meaning and implication of a cross for me.    It has seemed to be of varying meanings in my life in the past in which I have found comfort and redemption. But now as I step into my calling it has an all new purpose and definition. 

To live in the presence of the almighty administering his words and caring for humanity is the most blessed role in all of life in all of humanity. What role could be more interesting and fulfilling? But to see the rejection of God through the words that are administered through me… to see the lack of attention and ease of rejection and even further to be personally rejected because of the Gospel is more than upsetting. It is heart breaking.

It is not a new role and a new thought that I have just shared, in fact it started with Cain and Able and has maintained consistency all the ages, through the prophets of old Isaiah, Jeremiah, Joel, Jesus, Stephen, the disciples, and millions of others who represent God to the world. Sinead O’Conner says in a newer song of hers that “if God lived among us we would bust out his windows.” This is true and it becomes more of a reality as I press into God further. I can now see that Charlotte, North Carolina, America, and the World as we know it is not my home. I am just a passer by waiting and watching.

It is amazing to have lived a life of hope in myself, desiring success, and self fulfillment and to come to the cross fleeing the world in utter abandonment. It is not at all something that can be taught or mentally understood. I have done my best to explain the redemption that was wrought through the cross and that began in the garden, and I have explained the purpose of the relational life with God. But as Bono has said, “I knew more then than I do now”. 

Now it is the cross before me that relieves my inner turmoil, it is my comfort in this life. I lay myself before the Lord in abandonment of all that is seen and it alone gives me joy.

As much as I desire and am called to minister to the Church I find such hardship as humanity and divinity intersect. I have spent so much time in the world disobeying what God has desired for my life; all I know is that I want to do my best to please the Lord. It is in the American church and in the mirror that I begin questioning my motives. When I stray from the deep communion of prayer and read Christian writers, they seem all too comforting some times… some teachings sound really great but lack something, they write of self preservation through the isolation from the world, while others speak to the depths of my soul about drinking the cup of death and life. To accept the fact that the redemption of the cross is the ministry I am called to. I cannot accept a gun and a mansion where I can punish the lost and needy. I can feel the sincerity of brothers like Watchman Nee and Dietrich Bonhoeffer and I see the death that was there result. And I find the Kingdom. 

At the end of Acts chapter 5 Peter and other disciples were doing the miracles of the Church when they were brought to trail before the Sanhedrin. When the apostles where commanded not to preach in the name of Jesus, They spoke with boldness and said that they could not disobey God. As a result they were flogged and after words they went  away   “rejoicing    because    they     had     been      counted     worthy      of     suffering      disgrace      for      the     Name.” What a remarkable passage and more than that a supernatural concept. To be beaten brutally and somehow have the perspective that resulted in rejoicing.

So I know this blog is not anything especially poignant… but this has been my heart lately. I have been enduring hardship in my pursuit of ministry and a deeper relationship with God and the only resolve and the only council that I have found fulfillment is that in my pursuit I have found my goal… I have seen a vision of my future and it ends in the glory of the brutal self relinquishing cross of my Jesus Christ and the cross I surrender to. There is nothing more exciting than to see my Lord. To receive his instructions with a whole heart because I know now what I must accept. I know now what the finish line looks like. I have been running hard for a long time now and have been tempted to slow down and maybe even run off of the track and make my own path… I have looked to the right and left and have just gotten confused. So now I have gotten my second wind and I have gotten my pace.

My friends 2 Tim 1:7 says that “For the Spirit of God gave us does not make us timid, but gives power, love and self discipline.” This is the verse that is on Bonhoeffer’s grave. It has been noted by one of the guards who witnessed Bonhoeffer’s hanging as saying that when he came into his cell to take him to the gallows that he was praying with a supernatural faith in a confidence that God was hearing. As Dietrich walked to the gallows he knelt and said another prayer. Then with an amazing obedience he peacefully allowed these men to take his life.    My friends, that is what gives man the perspective to accept the cross… fervent prayer that results in a faith in God and in His son Jesus Christ.   

1 Cor. 1:18

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.”

In Lord of the rings, the one “ring” of power is cut from the hand of Sauron and all of the rules of power and authority are in the hands of the beholder. Centuries pass and the heart of men keep the ring from being destroyed. That is until the Fellowship of the Ring and a young hobbit named Frodo embarks on the journey.

In my humble opinion, As believers in Christ Jesus, the one power that was lost in the garden and was won back on the cross was Prayer. And as an unqualified hobbit like man, I want to embark on a journey to debunk and tear down the false teachings and understanding of this gift that has been given to man. I want to cast the ring of bad “prayerology” (My new word I think) into the fiery depths of Mt. Mordor. Won’t you journey with me?

Movement 1:

Humanity in the Heavens

It absolutely eats me up to hear anyone say that “I am not a good prayer.” This is a lie from the Devil. And by repeating it you are building a Prayerology of lies in your soul. Words carry weight…David speaks to His soul and says “Why are you downcast Oh my soul…” He encourages himself. Now don’t get me wrong I know what you mean, but the truth is that you probably aren’t a bad prayer but you’re probably not much of a prayer at all and that’s not entirely your fault. The subject is highly neglected and deeply undervalued. If you want to be a good prayer in public you must be a good prayer at home.

I hear people when they speak of accountability talking about asking each other if your prayer times are fruitful. I can understand this saying but, this is not at all the way I could ever be measured. First of all prayer is communion with God which means that we don’t determine the outcome. I can’t make Our prayer time fruitful. Seasons of prayer come and go, for example I have been in a rather different season for the past few years that is not at all like any other season I have experienced, not to say it’s deeper and richer but is it for sure different. But what I can control is how much time I spend in communion. From the very first month of being devoted to God I began to keep a timer/alarm clock going to remind me when the time I had gladly devoted to God would be up. I start to pray and all I know is that when the timer goes off I probably have to get ready for work. This method really helps to keep your mind from worrying about what’s going on around you (and obviously finding a time and a place that is extremely quite helps).

Almost every time I begin to pray I close my eyes…. and I start to wrestle with my thoughts. This can be seen as from the devil or this can be something that discourages us from even believing there is an otherness in prayer for us.   Let me just speak with authority here. This is a mandatory aspect of prayer where we transition from our humanity to the heavenlies… the more that is swirling in your mind the more it is obvious that prayer is the best place to be. You see God wants to be Lord of everything in your life… If you are concerned with it, guess what, He is very concerned with it. He needs you to get everything off of your mind that He has laid on it so that you could enter into the “things” of the spirit. You have to develop a patience… you have to wait on the Lord and before you know it when you are completely honest before God about what’s going on in you world He comes and brings His world and walks with you in union.

I use to often beat myself up for falling asleep in prayer. I doubt you have ever been there, but just in case, I want to add that I have discovered that this is not necessarily a bad thing. As we walk in a fallen world that tears away at our hearts and minds it is only right to fall asleep in the presence of the Creator. It is the recognition of His holy presence. I’m not saying sleeping is praying I’m saying that don’t beat yourself up if you fall asleep on occasion. And maybe if you find it hard in the morning to connect without falling asleep stand up, lift your hands, walk in circles, pray out loud, read some psalms out loud… sometimes you have to wrestle for the blessing.

One last thing, when you pray go and have the conversation that God wants to have with you. He is ready to speak to you about something and you are just doing yourself and injustice not facing it. I’m sad to say that for long periods of time God doesn’t visit us because we are not really talking to Him but towards Him. He wants us to be honest, to be mad, to be faithless, but He will not take it when you don’t talk to Him. He died so we could be in unity, don’t take it for granted.

So may your humanity be saturated with the Divinity. May who you are in the world become who you are in prayer and may who you are in prayer become who you are in the world.

A Hobbit of a Man,

JG