Did the hardest thing ever in prayer last week. I came to a place of frustration and revelation in my calling as a ministry. Before I walked with God the only church I had was a Cutlass Supreme, my worship was a Blunt, and my God was myself. It was a life of passionate vanity. Then I called on God and He answered.
I gave it all up… everything and I mean everything. I was led to give up most of my friends and the passions that had confused my life and I ran hard after God… and I mean hard. Many of days I spent crying out and just crying to God. He healed me and restored me to a right position where I could see things clearly.
Then He called me to be his mouthpiece. This was all that my life meant from that moment on. Of course there are many other things that He put into my life and other things He has called me to. Like my wife, who I could never, ever, ever, ever deserve.
So I thought I had humbled myself in every area of my life and counted it all as lost. Until the other day I was frustrated about ministry and in a moment of revelation I realized that I had let my call be an Idol to me. So I prayed a prayer that was like pulling my own tooth. I told God to forgive me for not letting him have my calling and I gave it back to Him. That sounds like a minister throwing in the towel, but if I trust God that He called me I must trust him with my calling.
So even though God has heard and knows my heart for ministry I have let go of my tight grip. And since that day it has been the most liberating thing in the world.
It is amazing how pride and distortion can grow on anything that is not in the life givers hands.