“Nietzsche is Dead” ~ God

For the first time I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last night. It’s not what you think, I’m not an Alcoholic, but after last night I would be proud to be an alcoholic to be directly affiliated with the group of unique folks I met.

AA meets in our prayer room. Not sure who would claim any credit for making that happen, other than the Greater Power that leads both of our organizations. I haven’t been unfamiliar with this group. Several months ago, a lady came in early for the late night AA meeting and I had a chance to talk with her. She spoke of a prayer life with God but didn’t identify with Jesus. I asked her if the presence she felt at the prayer room was the same presence she felt when she prayed. She said yes, that night she received the Holy Spirit in a tangible way. Other times other AA folks have missed the mark on the time of their meeting and found the Holy Spirit instead.

Up until last night my love of this anonymous group was great. But after last night I’m not sure I can handle how much my heart yearns for them. Last night there was an open discussion about the 2nd step, acknowledging a “Higher Power”. As the discussion took on many shapes and faces, the religious orthodox side of me shuddered, but the creator inside of me kept me shut up with ears wide open. He was working. Many people talked of their struggle with even believing that there was a God. Others claimed how they allowed God to begin to exist in their lives. The honesty about their feelings, the love and respect for one another, and the amazing progress that was being made towards God has my heart broken for these broken people.

Because of the nature of the information I needed talk about, I had to share who I was and my role in the prayer ministry we were standing in. As I shared openly in front of the group the short list of information I had, they nearly cheered to show appreciation for my part in the use of the prayer room. It broke my heart. This is the same prayer room that we had prayed over daily, asking God to be present, loving, and confrontational. I invited them out to a meeting we’ve started that is intended to help their prayer lives, and to further identify the creator God. I told them how much I loved them and other official information.

After the meeting I had a fanfare of folks wanting to talk with me and I had a handful of people I wanted talk with. I invited an unsatisfied God seeker to the prayer meeting and shared how awesome and amazing the leaders were, I shook hands with many appreciative folks, and shared info about the prayer meeting we had designed for them. Before I knew it their were God hungry people tearing into my Spirit like starving wolves to a fallen lamb. I LOVED IT. I’m not sure how long I would last going daily to their meetings, (I’m way too opinionated for that), but I know my prayer burden for them has been freshly shot with steroids. My heart for them went from small and wimpy to vein pulsing ravenous.

It’s the next day now, here I am, I’m tired, confused about God’s methods, but sure that God is up to something. And he uses simpletons like me to make it happen. I feel used. And I feel happy. Thank you God.


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