the wilderness

After a period of confusion, I’m coming to grips with the fact that I have been drawn out into the wilderness to face my demons. I’ve faced the easily labeled ones already amongst friends. Now I’m all alone and all of my understanding about God and life are coming alive and having to reveal it’s origins. Nothing is safe. It seems as if the whole garden of my heart is being plowed up.

The things I once saw as good and right now are being questioned and found false. There is a sense of purity and clarity that’s beginning to surface now, giving some hope to my heart, as recent weeks have seemed fragile.

The Torment of Saint Anthony by Michelangelo

It’s funny, I honestly feel like God’s science experiment, but  I know that I’m not unique, others go through similar trials and crucibles. I just hope that one day the desert will end and I’ll emerge from the wilderness victorious and full of supernatural peace and perspective.

Until then, I accept the cup I’ve been given to drink. After all, it’s me who agreed to give up my life. It’s me who has prayed “make me like You”. I trust that your ways are higher that my ways.

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