After living a life of debauchery, drug abuse, and violence, the Savior broke through to me where I was. I remember being high and looking into a bathroom mirror behind my eyes, I saw Jesus in me, He was abiding in my body. Immediately rejection came from the world I had known, from closest friends to the family that raised me. I no longer fit in with them. This process expelled me from what I knew and spit me out at the feet of Jesus like a new born baby.
Having discovered so tangibly His great love, I became dangerous towards others. I was loving others more fully than I had ever been capable of, yet none where able to have my whole heart. My heart was His. Believe me I tried to share that part of my heart, only to be forced away and corrected. Somehow experientially my whole life is a testimony of these hard sayings of Jesus.
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.”
and this one,
“Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.”
And although there are days like today where I have hurt others feelings, I find God comforting and reassuring me. But I pray dear Lord that all the heart ache that I have caused, whether by your call or my mishandling of it, that you reveal your often times invisible hand that moved me. And that those who were hurt would have the comforter be present to heal.